Panic

Don't panic. Don't panic. Yes, that is what I do not always tell myself because it never works for me. You see, I am VERY panic-y, if there is even such a word. I panic easily especially now that I am in a foreign land where the language is unnatural for me. I have to learn it before I can react on top of anything. It is very hard to be in a position of panic. It is like an attack which does not make sense and puts one in a very awkward position I tell you. Most of the time, people gets it the wrong way. So in that sense they do not really get it. They tend to interpret it as an affection rather than a fear. A fear of being wrong or saying the wrong thing, but for what? That, I have no idea of.

So I panic endlessly and pointlessly. The thing about panic is it puts you in a very ugly position. When you are stuck, it is hard to get out. Most of the time it just puts you in deeper than you already are. I hope there is an antidote for panic because I do not want people to see me as incompetent piece of shit that I am only because I stutter when I have to say something that is supposed to be with authority. I am helpless. I feel like Colin Firth in the King's Speech. Maybe I need some help so I can get better. I need some confidence.

Lacking of one too many things,
E