Not special

I can count from my single hand the number of times I have received a flower. It is not that many and it still makes me sad. I only say it's okay but in reality it is not. I want to receive flowers every now and then and I like surprises too. I am a hopeless romantic even if I deny it. I want the mushy stuff from a relationship and I want to feel special every now and then. I remember in Grade School when the label best friend started to be in the trend. Having a one true best friend in Grade School that commits to you as your one true best friend as well equals to having a boyfriend in HIgh School. I had one true best friend during PreSchool but because of the class mix-ups we got transferred to different sections separating us. I had to find another one true best friend that will commit to me. I was scared not to find any because I was new to the class. I was kind of an outcast back then. It was so hard for me to fit in. Until finally my mom enrolled me in a summer class which one of the more popular girl from our class attended too. That was when our one true best friendship started. We became one true best friends and back in our regular class, when asked who our number 1 best friend was, we say each other's names. I loved the exclusivity and I felt that I was really important and special. Until we fell apart in High School because she did not share as much as she did before. I did not feel the need to share too. And there, we just fell apart.

My want for exclusivity carried on when I attended College. I like feeling special because who does not? I seek for the attention. I love the attention and the mutual understanding and exclusivity. But I always say that I did want flowers and surprises. Maybe they believed me cause up to now, I have not experienced any aww worthy moment. I am not asking something that you can only see in the movies or read in the books. I just want something where I could feel special and even for a second maybe feel that I am the most important girl in the world.

Maybe it is the little things in life that matters but a little effort never hurt nobody.

Just one of those hopeless romantic,
E