Awkward

I am very awkward. If the MTV show Awkward has any inspiration based on real events, it is probably me. I remember declining all social gatherings before that includes me wearing a dress cause I feel like I won't be able to make it alive out of the event. Sports was never my problem but socializing was. I say 'was' cause I'd like to think that I got over my awkwardness but no, I did not. The reason was partly because I always try to think how others think of me when they are talking to me. Did it confuse you? My point is, when people talk to me, I tend to think what they think at the moment so I end up not focusing on the conversation. Hello, awkwardness. In that way too, I lose the person in the conversation because I do not give them proper replies, sometimes no replies at all.

But get this, the awkwardness escalates when I talk to someone from the opposite sex. That is when things get very ugly. I never escape a conversation without thinking with malice. I always think of them as a person meant for potential romance unless they are very ugly. Please don't judge me. I am not so sure what triggers that kind of mentality but most of the time, I am right, because sooner or later they will show the interest. Maybe my awkwardness attract that kind of reaction or maybe I was just really right to think like that. The opposite sex poses a threat to my overall normal state. Seating next to me poses another threat. I value personal space, okay? This is a reason why I don't normally hang out with them unless the boundaries are made clear verbally.  My mentality is also the reason why I do not believe that girls and boys can remain only as friends because at one point in the relationship there was an awkwardness and there was a point of malice. Always. Girl and boy as best friends? Oh please, give me a break.

E